Gentle Parenting Dropout - Tee

🍷GENTLE PARENTING DROPOUT

Est. This Morning

You tried. You did the work. You practiced deep breathing while being emotionally held hostage by a toddler with yogurt fists. But sometimes, peace isn’t the answer.

Sometimes, Brad is in the parking lot.

How It Was Inspired

According to reports later sealed by the court, the incident began around 8:56 AM outside a Wawa in Clearwater, Florida.

The woman at the center of it all? Marleen R——. Thirty-four. Yoga mat in the trunk. Juice pouch in her hair. Three kids in the backseat arguing over whether clouds have bones. Her iced coffee was warm. Her will was thin. She was repeating her parenting affirmations when it happened.

Brad showed up.

Brad: shirtless, sunburned, and carrying an emotional support vape 💨.

Brad: her ex, and self-declared “discipline expert” who once grounded their toddler for blinking “with attitude.”

Brad: currently in the Wawa parking lot, yelling at a pelican. The pelican, notably, was unbothered.

They locked eyes.

Brad smirked and mouthed the words, “You seem stressed.”

And that… was the last straw.

Witnesses say Marleen R—— didn’t blink. She rolled her window down and whispered the now-infamous line:
“I am no longer gentle.”

Then:

• Reversed out of her parking spot with NASCAR precision

• Clipped Brad’s vape pen with her side mirror, sending it flying into a decorative koi pond

• Executed a perfect drift across three medians while “Before He Cheats” played faintly through a cracked speaker

• And handed her toddler a juice box mid-U-turn without making eye contact 🧃

Surveillance later caught her calmly purchasing another iced coffee and muttering,
“I’m a f**king role model.”

Brad declined to press charges. The pelican did, however, bite him.

The responding officer wrote “No further action needed”
—and in the margin—
“Honestly iconic.”

What This Tee Was Intended To Do:

• Offer quiet solidarity to burnt-out parents everywhere

• Say “I tried” without having to say anything

• Serve as wearable proof that patience has a limit—and yours has been met

Specs

• 100% ringspun cotton (rage-absorbent)

• Deep vintage red print on soft cream fabric

• Unisex fit – perfect for fugitives and snack-bringers alike

• Pre-shrunk, meltdown-tolerant, Florida-proof

• Pairs well with cold fries, legal gray areas, and sunglasses worn indoors

OFMITA
We Hate Everything – Even You – Especially Brad.