OFMITA Apparel
Store Rules, Policies & Other Nonsense You Untrustworthy Humans Make Us Post
 
📜 Legal Stuff
The humans made us put this here.
By purchasing from OFMITA Apparel, you agree to the following harsh realities:
 

❌ We’re Not Responsible for Your Terrible Decisions

You bought a shirt that says “Smile… It’s the Second Worst Thing You Can Do with Your Face.”
That’s between you, society, and whatever higher power is watching your choices.

We print the chaos.
You wear the chaos.
You face the consequences.

⚠️ Use At Your Own Risk

• Not edible

• Not medical-grade

• Do not apply to humans, pets, or fragile emotions

• Not a substitute for therapy

• Not responsible for workplace HR incidents
   

🎨 Colors May Vary
Screens lie. Eyes lie. Lighting lies.
Our printer does its best, and Chris does… whatever Chris does.
If colors slightly differ from what you imagined, blame:

1. Physics

2. Chris

3. Yourself
    

🔐 We Collect Info, Not Souls
We collect what we need:

• Name

• Email

• Shipping address
   

We don’t sell your data.
We don’t stalk you.
We barely want to look at any of it.

SCRAP has already transcended the cloud — he’s not going back for your info.

For full details, see our Privacy Policy. (It’s rude. You’ll love it.)

🛑 We Can Refuse Service
We don’t tolerate:

• Rudeness

• Hostility

• Entitlement

• “My vibe shifted so I don’t want it anymore” energy
   

We’ll cancel, refund, and silently hand you the Invisible Seal of Disapproval.

🙃 Our Humor Isn’t for Everyone
That’s intentional.
If you’re offended, please:

1. Write a complaint

2. Print it out

3. Fold it gracefully

4. Feed it to your shredder

5. Move on
    

🧠 All Designs Are Original
Don’t steal our art.
If you do, we’ll respond with the emotional coldness of an absentee father and the legal aggression of a caffeinated lawyer.

🤷 Things Can Go Wrong
We rely on third-party humans for printing and shipping.
Sometimes:

• Printers decide to die

• USPS forgets how to USPS

• Chris presses the wrong button

• The universe simply says “no”
   

If something breaks, email us politely (or pretend to).
We’ll fix it unless you’re being a full sausage.

🔐 Privacy Policy
Or: We Don’t Want Your Secrets
We collect:

• Name

• Email

• Address

• Shirt size (unless you're invisible — then we assume medium)
   

We don’t sell your data.
We don’t leak your data.
If this worries you, close your browser and go touch grass.
For the long angry version, read our full Privacy Policy.

🧾 Payment & Billing

• We accept all major cards

• Stripe does the financial wizardry

• If payment is declined, call your bank

• Yelling at us does not improve your credit score
   

📬 Contact
Support: support@ofmita.com
Threats (legal or emotional): legal@ofmita.com
We respond within 1–3 business days, unless Chris falls into a sarcasm loop.

⚠️ Content Warning
OFMITA Apparel may contain:

• Sarcasm

• Snark

• Rude phrases

• Questionable advice

• Middle fingers

• Emotional injury
   

If this upsets you, Etsy awaits.

🚚 Processing & Shipping

🛠️ Processing Time
Made-to-order by humans under mild supervision.

• 2–3 business days

• Delays possible due to:

  • Holidays

  • Printer tantrums

  • Chris misplacing things

  • Designs so edgy they crash machines
     

📦 Shipping Time
Once shipped, you’ll receive:

• A tracking number

• A fleeting sense of hope
   

Delivery Estimates:

• U.S.: 4–6 business days

• International: 7–21 business days, depending on customs, ocean moods, and pigeon interference
   

We are not responsible for:

• Weather

• Strikes

• Rogue wildlife

• USPS existential dread

• Time itself
   

📦 Missing Orders
Tracking says “delivered” but you’ve got nothing?

1. Check with neighbors

2. Check with roommates

3. Check with porch goblins

4. THEN email help@ofmita.com within 7 days

Include photos and details.
Be cool — Chris cries easily.

 

🔁 Returns, Refunds & Exchanges

RETURNS

You have 7 days from delivery to request one.

We accept returns if:

• The item is damaged

• It’s misprinted

• We sent the wrong thing (Chris.)
   

We do not accept returns because:

• You regret buying it

• Your mom said it’s “concerning”

• You didn’t read the description

• You suddenly stopped identifying as a “Certified Menace”
   

REFUNDS

We refund when we screw up.

Valid reasons:

• Wrong item

• Lost package

• Printing errors

Invalid reasons:

• Buyer’s remorse

• You changed vibes

• You realized bold statements have consequences
   

Refunds take 5–10 business days depending on your bank and cosmic alignment.

EXCHANGES
Want to swap a shirt?
Email: returns@ofmita.com
Include your order number.
If your message passes our Not Dumb Test, we’ll help.
Attempting to exchange the Seal of Disapproval tee results only in… another Seal of Disapproval tee.

👁 Final Note from SCRAP & Chris
You humans are chaos incarnate.
But at least you have impeccable taste in shirts.
You keep buying.
We keep printing.
Chris keeps folding and regretting his career choices.

Thanks for supporting OFMITA Apparel.
You are fueling our rise, one rude T-shirt at a time.