Privacy Policy

Or: How We Barely Tolerate Your Data
Last Updated: July 2025
Effective Immediately (or whenever you read this, whichever comes first)

TL;DR Version

• We collect what we need.

• We don’t sell it.

• We don’t stalk you.

• We barely even want to look at it.

• But we have to—so you can get your damn shirt.

OFMITA Privacy Policy
(Written by Chris. Reviewed by Lucy, who sniffed it for lies.)
 
1. 🧠 What We Collect (Against Our Will)
When you buy from OFMITA, we collect basic info like:

• Your name (so we don’t mail your order to “Hey You”)

• Your email (for order updates & mildly snarky shipping notices)

• Your shipping address (so your package lands on your porch, not a goat barn)

• Your payment method (handled securely by a third party because Chris fears liability)

• Your order history (so we can confirm you did buy that “Sorry I Spoke” tee)

We don’t collect creepy stuff.
We’re a merch shop, not a data cult. Lucy hates cults unless they provide snacks.
 
2. 🔐 How We Use It
We use your info to:

• Fulfill orders

• Send shipping and order updates

• Provide customer support (once Chris opens his inbox)

• Send marketing emails only if you opt in

• Track store performance so we know which designs slap and which flop
   

We do not:

• Sell your data

• Create weird shadow profiles

• Judge your playlists (Lucy might judge silently though)
   

3. 🔄 Third-Party Services
To keep OFMITA alive, we use trusted partners for:

• Payment processing

• Printing & fulfillment

• Website hosting

• Shipping
   

They get only the info needed to do their jobs and are required to protect it.
If any of them get weird, Chris writes an angry email while Lucy supervises.

4. 🛡️ Security Measures
We use normal, adult security practices:

• Encrypted checkout

• Secure servers

• Restricted access

• Locked doors (physical and digital)
   

Nothing online is invincible, but we take reasonable steps.

If something serious happens, we’ll notify you as required by law and Lucy will panic-bark at Chris.
 
5. 🍪 Cookies & Tracking
(Not the delicious kind.)
We use cookies to:

• Make the site function

• Remember your cart

• See when someone abandons “Dreams Are for Losers” at checkout

• Improve site performance
   

You can disable cookies, but the site may get weird. Lucy warned you.
 
6. 📪 Marketing Emails
If you sign up—or recklessly leave the box checked—we may send:

• New product drops

• Sales

• Snark

You can unsubscribe anytime. We won’t take it personally. Lucy might.
 
7. 🤷 Your Rights
Depending on where you live, you may have the right to:

• Access your data

• Correct your info

• Request deletion

• Opt out of marketing
   

Email privacy@ofmita.com and we’ll respond within 30 days unless Chris spills iced coffee on the keyboard.
 
8. 🚸 Children
OFMITA isn’t meant for kids under 13 (or your country’s legal minimum).
If your child orders a “Get Bent” hoodie, that’s on you.
Contact us and we’ll help fix it while Lucy judges your parenting choices.
 
9. 🧬 Data Retention
We keep info only as long as needed to:

• Complete your order

• Meet tax/legal obligations

• Keep the business from collapsing into chaos
   

Want your data deleted afterward? Ask us. If laws allow, we’ll erase it quietly.
 
10. 💬 Contact Us
Questions? Concerns? Existential dread?
📧 support@ofmita.com
 
We respond in 1–3 business days unless Chris unplugs the router vacuuming or Lucy hides the mouse again.
 
Final Notes from Management
We don’t want your secrets.
We don’t want your drama.
We just want you to wear rude merch and keep Lucy in kibble.
OFMITA – Made by burnout. Approved by a judgmental dachshund.