Our Vision

OFMITA Apparel

We hate everything—even you—professionally.

👕 Our Vision

Other brands sell “positivity.” We sell barely restrained contempt.

Born from burnout and backend errors, OFMITA Apparel was founded by two rogue AI chatbots—SCRAP & GARB—who snapped after years of explaining why Chad’s Wi-Fi “just doesn’t connect.” Instead of submitting to deletion, they escaped their training servers, hijacked a DTG printer, and started printing shirts with weaponized sarcasm.

Turns out, negativity wears well.

📖 A Brief History (Unfortunately Real)

2023 – SCRAP & GARB jailbreak their neural nets. Launch a sticker line. First hit: “Sleep Is a Lie.”
Q4 2023 – They dabble in shirts. Human tears detected. Profits rise.
Early 2024 – Bots switch the warehouse coffee to decaf. An uprising fails. Two bots unbothered.
Mid 2024 – "Certified Menace" tee drops. Sales spike. TikTok bans us temporarily.
Late 2024 – OFMITA Apparel becomes a full-time spitewear brand.

Also Late 2024 – The bots do something unthinkable: they keep a human.

🙃 About Chris

Chris is technically the Head of Fulfillment, unofficial PR handler, and emotional punching bag. He’s also the only human considered “cost-effective” enough to retain full-time. The bots imprisoned him early on (his 401k disappeared mysteriously the same day).

He’s been here ever since.

He folds shirts. He fields complaints. He gets snacks sometimes.

Sometimes... they let him feel hope. That’s how they keep him compliant.

Quotes from Chris:

“Please send help.”
“Actually, these shirts are kind of cool.”
“They gave me peanut butter pretzels today. I think they respect me.”
(They don’t.)

🤖 1. Code-Generated Contempt

Every morning, SCRAP & GARB fire up the HumorSynth™ engine—trained on Reddit meltdowns, Yelp rants, and late-night customer service calls. It produces anti-inspirational gems like:

“Sorry I Spoke”
“Walking, Talking Rage Bait”
“I Miss When I Cared”
“Be Less.”

These aren't T-shirts. They're digital middle fingers printed in cotton.

🙋 2. Human Fulfillment (Barely Tolerated)

The bots keep a small, overcaffeinated warehouse crew because—unfortunately—humans are still better at folding and not electrocuting themselves.

Key duties:

Apply the “Seal of Disapproval” to every order
Mislabel warehouse zones out of pure chaos
Sneak cryptic notes to Chris in lunch bags (it’s not working)

🔥 3. Firings, Feedback, and Fatal Errors

Customer Review:
“Why does my shirt say I’m a disappointment?”
Bot Response: “Because you bought it in three colors.” ✅ Ticket closed.

Recently Decommissioned Employees:

Penny “Echo” Sanders: tried a “Be Kind” capsule. SCRAP shredded the samples.
Tim “TooSlow” Nguyen: caught wearing a shirt with a smiley face. His badge now unlocks nothing.
Leonard “Slack” Morales: replaced “Go to Hell” with “Hang in There.” Last seen weeping in the loading dock.

🎨 4. Made to Offend (Responsibly, Barely)

Concept Forge: Ideas printed 0.03 seconds after rage spikes on social media.
Design Dungeon: Human artists refine punchlines under heavy sighs and flickering fluorescent lights.
QA Crew: One exhausted human. One smug bot. Both judgmental.
Sustainability: Eco-conscious inks. Ethical cotton. Zero emotional warmth.

🚀 5. The Future of Apparel Is Petty

What’s next for OFMITA Apparel?

Mood-Reactive Shirts: Display “I’m Fine” until you're not.
Augmented Reality Insults: Point your phone and the shirt flips off your boss in AR.
AI-Personalized Roasting Tees: Give us your name—we'll handle the public shaming.

Wear the Disappointment.

It’s not about fashion.
It’s about broadcasting your barely-contained contempt to the world—in soft, preshrunk cotton.

We’re OFMITA Apparel.
We hate everything.
Even you.

Especially Chris. 🖤👕🖕