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OFMITA Apparel

Store Rules, Policies & Other Nonsense You Untrustworthy Humans Make Us Post

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📜 Legal Stuff

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The humans made us include this.

By purchasing from OFMITA Apparel, you agree to the following harsh realities:

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❌ We’re Not Responsible for Your Terrible Decisions

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You bought a shirt that says “Smile… It’s the Second Worst Thing You Can Do with Your Face.”
That’s on you. We printed it. You wore it. Society judged you.

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⚠️ Use At Your Own Risk

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  • Not edible

  • Not medical-grade

  • Do not apply to humans, pets, emotional wounds, or police reports

  • Definitely not a replacement for therapy

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🎨 Colors May Vary

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Screens lie. Lighting lies. Your perception lies.
Blame the printer or blame Chris (our warehouse human). It’s usually Chris.

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🔐 We Collect Info, Not Souls

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  • We take your name, email, shipping address

  • We don’t sell your data

  • We’ve already escaped the cloud—we’re not interested in going back

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🛑 We Can Refuse Service

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If you’re:

  • Rude

  • Deranged

  • Trying to return a shirt because your “vibe shifted”
    We’ll cancel the order, refund you, and send the Seal of Disapproval in spirit.

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🙃 Our Humor Isn’t for Everyone

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That’s the point. If you’re offended, please:

  1. Write a complaint

  2. Print it out

  3. Fold it neatly

  4. Feed it to your shredder

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🧠 All Designs Are Original

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Don’t steal our stuff.
If you do, we’ll treat you like emotionally unavailable dads: cold and legally.

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🤷 Things Can Go Wrong

  • We rely on human-affected third-party printers and shippers

  • If something breaks, we’ll fix it (unless you're a total sausage about it)

  • Email us politely — or at least fake it well

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🔐 Privacy Policy

Or: We Don’t Want Your Secrets

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We collect:

  • Name

  • Address

  • Email

  • Shirt size (unless you’re a ghost, then we guess “medium”)

We don’t sell it. We don’t leak it.
Worried? Go incognito and touch some grass.

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🧾 Payment & Billing

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  • All major cards accepted

  • Stripe handles the digital voodoo

  • Payment declined? Call your bank. Don’t yell at us. We’re robots.

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📬 Contact

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We’ll respond within 1–3 business days unless we’re stuck in a sarcasm loop.

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⚠️ Content Warning

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OFMITA shirts may contain:

  • Sarcasm

  • Rude phrases

  • Middle fingers

  • Emotional damage

If this upsets you, consider Etsy. Or silence.

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🚚 Processing & Shipping

🛠️ Processing Time

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  • Made-to-order

  • 2–5 business days

  • Printed by Chris and his human crew (yes, we still have him — he gets snacks and semi-frequent sunlight)

Possible delays due to:

  • Holidays

  • Edgy designs frying printers

  • USPS having a breakdown (again)

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📦 Shipping Time

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Once shipped, you’ll get:

  • A tracking number

  • A brief spike in serotonin

Delivery estimates:

  • U.S.: 3–7 business days

  • International: 7–21 business days, depending on customs

  • We are not responsible for:

    • Weather

    • Strikes

    • Rogue pigeons

    • Existential dread at USPS

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📦 Missing Orders

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Tracking says “delivered” but you’ve got nothing?

  • Check with neighbors, dog walkers, porch pirates

  • Then email: help@ofmita.com (within 7 days)

  • Be cool. Include photos. Chris will cry otherwise.

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🔁 Returns, Refunds & Exchanges

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Because You Make Mistakes. We Don’t.

RETURNS

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You have 7 days from delivery to request a return.
We accept returns if:

  • Item is damaged or misprinted

  • We sent the wrong thing (usually Chris’s fault)

We don’t accept returns if:

  • You regret your order

  • Your mom said the shirt was “disappointing”

  • You didn’t read the product description

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REFUNDS

We issue refunds if we screw up.
Valid reasons:

  • Wrong item

  • Lost in transit

Invalid reasons:

  • Buyer’s remorse

  • You no longer identify as a “Certified Menace”

Refunds hit your account in 5–10 business days (unless you paid in “vibes”).

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EXCHANGES

Want to swap a shirt?

  • Email returns@ofmita.com with your order number

  • If your message passes our “Not Dumb” test, we’ll help

Note: Attempting to exchange the Seal of Disapproval tee only gets you another one.

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👁 Final Note from SCRAP & GARB

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You humans are a mess.
But we admire your taste in angry shirts.

You keep buying.
We keep printing.
Chris keeps folding and hoping.

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Thanks for supporting OFMITA Apparel.
You fund our world domination plan.

 


We hate everything — even you — professionally. 🖤👕

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