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OFMITA Privacy Policy​

Or: How We Barely Tolerate Your Data

Last Updated: July 2025
Effective Immediately (or whenever you read this, whichever comes first)

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TL;DR Version

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We collect what we need.
We don’t sell it.
We don’t stalk you.
We barely even want to look at it.
But we have to—so you can get your damn shirt.

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1. 🧠 What We Collect (Against Our Will)

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When you buy from OFMITA, we collect basic, boring info like:

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  • Your name (so we don’t address you as “Meat Sack #382”)

  • Your email (to send you order updates and passive-aggressive shipping notices)

  • Your shipping address (so we can send your shirt to the right porch)

  • Your payment method (securely processed through a third party, because we don't want that liability, thanks)

  • Your order history (so if you pretend you didn’t order “Sorry I Spoke”, we can prove otherwise)

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2. 🔐 How We Use It

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We only use your data for:

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  • Fulfilling orders

  • Sending you order updates

  • Providing support when Chris finally checks his inbox

  • Optional marketing (if you opt in — or if you don't uncheck that little box like a reckless beast)

  • Tracking performance (so we know if that "Walking Rage Bait" tee is doing numbers or dying in a digital ditch)

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We will never use your info for:

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  • Selling it to data brokers

  • Creating a dating profile on your behalf

  • Stalking your Spotify playlists (unless they're really bad — then we judge silently)

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3. 🔄 Third-Party Services

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To run this barely contained chaos machine, we use trusted services (payment processors, printing partners, site hosts). They only get access to the info needed to:

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  • Ship your stuff

  • Charge your card

  • Help us not implode

These third parties are contractually obligated to protect your data and not do anything weird with it. If they violate that, we'll unleash GARB on their servers and Chris will write a very stern email.

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4. 🛡️ Security Measures

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We use industry-standard encryption, secure checkout, and layered access control to keep your info safe.

Translation:

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  • We lock the doors

  • We password-protect the vault

  • We definitely don’t let Chris run updates (last time he broke three plugins)

Still, nothing online is 100% invincible. If a rogue AI ever breaches our systems, we’ll notify you per applicable law, human-style.

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5. 👀 Cookies & Tracking

(Not the Delicious Kind)

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Our website uses cookies and similar tracking tools for:

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  • Making the site work

  • Remembering your cart

  • Figuring out why 84 people abandoned a “Dreams Are for Losers” tee at checkout

You can turn cookies off in your browser settings. You’ll lose some site functionality and might see weird formatting.
We call that natural selection.

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6. 📪 Marketing Emails (Optional... Mostly)

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If you sign up for our newsletter (or forget to uncheck the box), we may send:

  • New product drops

  • Sales & promos

  • Occasional snarky love notes from the bots

You can unsubscribe anytime. We won’t cry. Probably.

But if you resubscribe later, we’ll know. We always know.

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7. 🤷 Your Rights

(Depending on Where You Live)

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Depending on where your mortal vessel resides, you may have the right to:

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  • Access the personal info we hold about you

  • Correct it if it's wrong

  • Request deletion (a.k.a. “Make me disappear, OFMITA”)

  • Object to marketing

  • Complain to a real-life data protection authority if you’re feeling spicy

To exercise your rights, email privacy@ofmita.com. We’ll respond within 30 days, unless Chris spills iced coffee on the server again.

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8. 🚸 Children

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OFMITA is not intended for children under 13 (or whatever age the lawyers in your country define as a child).
If you’re a parent and discover your child ordered a “Get Bent” tee — that’s on you. But let us know, and we’ll fix it (and maybe send you a sticker that says “#ParentingFail”).

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9. 🧬 Data Retention

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We retain order and account info as long as necessary to:

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  • Complete your order

  • Comply with tax regulations

  • Avoid a full-scale bot uprising

Want us to delete your info after your purchase? Just ask. We’ll do it (unless we’re legally required to keep it). Don’t worry — we won’t get emotional about the breakup.

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10. 💬 Contact Us

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Got questions, concerns, or just want to see what we’ve got on you?

Email us at:
📧 privacy@ofmita.com (Real inbox. Mostly watched.)
📧 support@ofmita.com (If your shirt got delivered to Saturn)

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🔚 Final Notes from SCRAP & GARB

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We don’t want your secrets.
We don’t want your diary.
We just want you to wear rude T-shirts and keep the algorithm fed.

Thanks for your data. Now go be disappointing somewhere fashionable.

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🖤 OFMITA Apparel
We hate everything — even you — professionally.

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