Two Scoops Creamery & Gentleman’s Club - Tee

Two Scoops Creamery & Gentleman’s Club Tee

 

The dessert was cold. The nights were not. 🍦🌙

 

It began in the summer of 1998, in a half-collapsed building just off the I-70 exit outside Peoria. Nobody was asking for a strip club that doubled as an ice cream parlor—but that’s exactly why Ronnie “Grease Trap” Gervasio opened one.

 

Ronnie was a man with two dreams and one felony. He’d inherited a soft-serve machine in a divorce and lost his cabaret license in a fire. So naturally, he thought: Why not serve sundaes and sins under the same roof? 🍨💃

 

And thus, Two Scoops was born.

 

At first, it was a novelty. Guys would show up for the “Banana Split & G-String Special.” Families came on accident. A few stayed. Local ordinances were ignored like ex-wives. The place didn’t make sense, but neither did America.

 

They served rocky road and had dancers with the same nickname. You could order a lap dance and a waffle cone at the same time. Rumor had it the whipped cream wasn’t FDA-approved, but nobody asked. 😏

People came for the ice cream, stayed for the shame, and left with indigestion and a smile. 💔😋

 

For five glorious years, Two Scoops Creamery & Gentleman’s Club was a Midwest legend. A place where the music was always slightly too loud, and the health inspector was always five minutes too late. 🎶🚫

 

But then came the yogurt wars. ⚔️🥶

 

A Pinkberry opened three blocks away. Clean, modern, cold as a tax return. The strip club tried to pivot—hiring dancers in froyo-themed outfits and renaming the VIP room “The Churn.” It didn’t land. 

 

Then came the lawsuits. One too many sprinkles-related injuries. A nasty incident involving a bachelorette party, a maraschino cherry 🍒, and a mechanical bull named “Lickety Split.” The county intervened. The fire marshal stopped laughing. And Ronnie skipped town with a duffel bag full of tips and unpaid wages. 💸💨

 

They shut the doors in 2004. A raccoon colony moved in shortly after. By 2011, the roof had caved in. By 2015, it was a parking lot. 🦝🪦 And yet... whispers remained.

 

Urban legends. Ice cream ghosts. 👻 A dancer named Velvet who supposedly still twirls under moonlight on hot July nights. People swore they could smell waffle cones and regret when the wind was right. 🌬️🍧

 

All that’s left now is this shirt.

 

A glorious, too-bright, too-much, too-perfect remnant of everything Two Scoops ever was. Designed with vintage strip club flair and sundae-parlor sleaze, this tee doesn’t apologize. It doesn’t explain. It just says, “You had to be there.” 🤷‍♂️🍒

 

Which you didn’t. But now you can pretend you were.

 

👕 PRODUCT SPECS:

• 100% pre-shrunk cotton — soft, breathable, and built for bad decisions 😮‍💨

• Unisex retail fit — flattering on everyone, shame not included 😈

• Durable side-seamed construction

• Ribbed crewneck for extra support when you're holding back laughter or tears 😅

• Available in sizes XS–3XL for all body types and coping mechanisms

• Printed in the USA (unlike Ronnie’s passport) 🛫

🧼 CARE INSTRUCTIONS:

• Machine wash cold with like colors ❄️

• Tumble dry low or air dry like it's drying in a broken freezer behind the club 🧺

• Do not bleach — unless you want that “backroom authenticity” look 🫣

• Iron inside-out if necessary, but we both know it’s going to stay wrinkled 🤷

• Avoid yogurt-based dry cleaning 🧴

💭 WHY YOU NEED THIS SHIRT:

• Because you love stories with more red flags than a Six Flags parking lot 🎢🚩

• Because you were raised on impulse decisions and dessert for dinner 🍦🍔

• Because you still believe in places that shouldn’t exist, but did anyway 🌆✨

LEGACY:

This isn’t just merch.
It’s a tombstone for a dream that never should’ve danced. 💃🪦
A sugar-coated slice of American excess.
And a wearable reminder that you can’t mix business with pleasure and dairy...
...but dammit, someone tried.

 

 

OFMITA

We Hate Everything - Even Your Sweet Tooth. 🍭🖕