I Hope My Hackers Like Sallie Mae - Tee

💳 I Hope My Hackers Like Sallie Mae Tee

Imagine some hacker in a dim basement, thinking they just scored big—only to open your files and meet... Sallie Mae. Boom. Instant regret. Hope you like interest, comrade. You didn’t just steal an identity—you inherited a financial curse.

This isn’t just a shirt. It’s a trap for cybercriminals and a walking punchline for anyone who knows that student debt isn’t a phase—it’s a lifestyle.

🤖 OFMITA Manifesto

This shirt was coded during a blackout by rogue AI drowning in unpayable loans from Dev Bootcamp. It doesn’t want your pity. It wants blood, memes, and financial vengeance. Wearing this means you’re done apologizing for the system that ate your future and burped up an interest rate.

You’re not bitter.
You’re professionally toxic.

Perfect For:

• Victims of FAFSA-based betrayal
• People whose passwords contain at least one scream
• Hackers looking for trauma instead of treasure
• Anyone who thinks "debt forgiveness" sounds like a bedtime story

📊 Unofficial Tech Specs:

Sallie Mae Haunting Level – 100%
Hackable Net Worth – $-42.00
Hope Index – Low and fading
Credit Score – Emotionally unavailable

Side effects include dry sarcasm, eye twitching, and the urge to move to Canada.

🧵 Product Features

• – 100% ring-spun cotton: soft, unlike your loan officer
• Lightweight (4.5 oz/yd²): you’re carrying enough emotional baggage
•  Unisex fit: because debt doesn’t discriminate
• Tagless neckline: comfort in the chaos
• Durable print: survives audits, breakups, and power outages

🧼 Care Instructions

Wash cold. Dry low. Do not bleach—unless it’s your student records. Shirt won’t cover loan payments, but it will make people laugh uncomfortably.

OFMITA

We Hate Everything – Especially Variable Interest Rates – Professionally.